When I started, it was from pure hatred of myself. I loathed who I had become and the effect it had on my life. I found I didn’t want to do anything, I shuddered at the idea of going out in public. It controlled my life and I absolutely hated something else being in control. I am slight control nut but it was an overwhelming power dictating my life that I just did not want.
My confidence had gone after putting on around 10kg, it got much, much worse from there.
So, the exciting part – making the leap of faith!
I took a teaspoon of self-prescribed concrete (not literally) and contacted a few personal trainers. I did some research on them, who they were, what they experienced and got a feel for the sort of person they were.
It wasn’t an easy decision admitting to myself and to some stranger that I didn’t have control anymore and that I hated who I had become but it was SO FREEING!
I was nervous, regretful, angry, confused, frustrated and felt so defeated at the same time. I have a very big problem of keeping to myself, this was going against every barrier I had set in myself, but the rewards were definitely worth it.
I am the sort of person where if it’s not my best, I will beat myself up psychologically to a point where I live in a constant frustration with myself which affects the people around me. As a child, I was unwilling to communicate about myself to anyone, quite the opposite of the rest of my family. I was the opposite of anti-social but people would never know what was going on inside my head and I never asked for help. Admitting that I wasn’t capable of losing weight myself was so difficult for me that it stopped me for some time about doing anything about it. I couldn’t even face up to my own reality of how bad I had let it get that I lived in denial.
Taking this leap, going to see someone for help, feeling defeat and disappointment consumed my thoughts the entirety of the time leading up to my first meeting with my trainer.
It is no understatement to say I was ecstatic walking out of there.
She was brilliant, she was supportive yet not too soft. (Another one of my pet hates is comments that are too soft and mushy – cannot handle this!)
If you haven’t contacted a trainer and are scared to do so, honestly, make the leap because it changed my life. Do, though, make sure you pick the right fit. There are plenty of self-obsessed assholes that are not all they crack out to be. Make sure you meet and do your research – realistically – what do you have to lose? Seriously…